Please reply to this

[Shammu]

Im stuck in Omaha with my son at my parents house on their email only shitty computer for a week. I fear I may be going insane. Must...kill...people....


Im reading anyhting on the net I can find to entertain myself at night (the old folks go to bed at fucking

Any mercy reply posts would be appreciated. Miss you all.

*Especially miss you Bychu! Dont forget to feed the cat!

[Shammu]

ok

that was supposed to say the old folks go to bed at fucking 8:00 oclock. No idea how that smiley got there.

[Amit]

i am the chode lord.

[Kliezen]

Stereotypes are the basis of western culture.

[Brigs]

Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery this morning. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that the number will climb as the digging continues into the night.

[Trump]

ack that sucks, here ill post some jokes to keep ya occupied

[Trump]

George W Bush and Tony Blair are in a bar talking. One of the guests comes over to them and asks them what they're discussing.

"We're making plans for the 3rd world war" says Bush.

"Really?" asks the guest. "What are you going to do?"

"We're going to kill 14,000,000 muslims and an IT-consultant." says Bush.

The guest looks at the two leaders, not really understanding what he just heard. "An IT-consultant?" he asks. "Why on earth would you want to kill an IT-consultant?".

George Bush then pats Blair on the shoulder with a big smile on his face. "Didn't I tell you so? Nobody is going to ask about the muslims!"

[Trump]

I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush

Terry Jones (of monty python)
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I!
For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

[Trump]

US: Ok, putting together RvR group for Iraq raid... who's in?
Turkey: Only if someone makes me new armor. Last Iraq raid I lost money on
US: *sigh* Ok, can't build you the new armor, but I'll help pay for it. How
much you need.
Turkey: 6 Plat.
US: WTF?! You're not building the armor out of platinum, ya tard.. no
frikking way.
Turkey: Yeah, but I wanna get it SC...
US: 3 plat, and that's all I'm offering.
Turkey: Sweet. Ok, I'm in.
Spain: I frikking hate Iraq. They were camped at our keep for frikking EVER, man--long time ago, but still pissed off about it. Meet you at Turkish keep.
US: Cool, thx.
Italy: Me 2
Chile: I'm in.
US: Ok, so far, got US, Turks, Spain, Italy, Chile.
Bulgaria: Umm, got room for some lowbies? Thought maybe we could leech some RP's..
US: Yeah, sure. Why not. Just don't attack anything. Set up a /assist US macro, ok?
France: Hey all, what's up?
US: Putting together an RvR raid, hitting Iraq.
France: No frikking way, dood. Look, I'm part of Alliance leadership, and I say no way do we go in there. I'm using Alliance veto.
US: WTF? Alliance Veto?
France: Yeah, it's in Alliance charter. Me, Germany, US, Russia, and China can all cancel any Alliance raid event.
Bulgaria: Hey, me and the other Eastern Europeans wanna go...
France: STFU, n00b. Your guild got no say in this.
Bulgaria: ,,!,,
Germany: I don't really want to go either.
US: ...
France: Yeah, we veto. No guildies go to Iraq.
US: What about you, Russia.
Russia: Well, if everyone else goes, it's ok, but if France and Germany say no, then that's cool.
US: Jeezus. Dood, show some balls. You used to love going on raids.
Russia: Yeah, but that Afghanistan raid a while back was a disaster. Total group wipe-out.
US: Yeah, but you were in different alliance, man. This is different. Besides, we pwn3d last time we went on Iraq raid.
France: Doesn't matter. I say no.
Spain: .tell US doesn't matter if they don't go anyway, France just gives up anytime he sees any combat anyway. He's a bu77munch. Lives next door to me.
Spain: Oops. MT.
France: Oh yeah? Well you skipped that WWII raid completely.
Spain: Only cuz I'd just come back from dueling, was too tired to RvR.
Besides, you died in first wave, spent the rest of the raid licking dirt and whining.
France: ..!..
US: Guys, c'mon. I'm trying to put this thing together, here... look, I don't care what France says. I'm going, and anyone who wants to come with me can. China, you in?
China: *shrug* Don't feel like it.
US: Ok...
North Korea has challenged you to a duel! Type /duel accept to accept or /duel decline to decline the challenge.
/duel decline
North Korea tells you: "Dood u r teh suq. I will r0xxorz u"
You tell North Korea: No thanks, guy. Trying to get an RvR raid going.
North Korea tells you: "Ur just scaerd of teh pwnage"
You tell North Korea: Riiiigh. STFU, okay? I'm busy
North Korea taunts you.
/ignore North Korea.
US: How come you're not coming, Germany?
Germany: I'm just not into the violence anymore.
You tell Germany: Bullsh1t, you're just waiting for us to go into Iraq so you can gank France again.
Germany tells you: Ooops. *blush* busted!!
You tell Germany: Dude, why bother? He's gray to you.
Germany tells you: It's just satisfying, I guess. It shuts him up for a while, anyway.
France: I'm telling you, if anyone goes, then it'll break the Alliance.
Spain tells you: Whoop-de-sh1t, this Alliance sucks anyway. Let's go anyways.
US: France, WTF is ur problem?
France:I want to send scouts in, first. Let them see if there's any reason to go in.
US: Ok, how long it gonna take them?
France: Couple weeks, maybe. Months, possibly.
US: MONTHS? WTF! Dude, I don't want to wait that long. I'll give your scouts a week, at most. We'll reschedule then.
France: I may veto anyway.
US: Yeah, whatever.
/tell Spain yeah, may have to. He's a dipsh1t.
Bulgaria tells you: If you go, let me know. Me and my lowbie buddies are in.
You tell Bulgaria: Cool, thx. Are you someone's ALT?
Bulgaria tells you: Some of us were Russia's buffbots, but we're soloing, now.
US: Ok, meet again next week. We'll take things from there.

[Trump]

Women = time + money

and as we all know "time is money"

Time = $

therefore..

Women = $ * $ = ($)^2

and because "money is the root of all evil"

$ = sqare root of evil

therefore

women = (sqaure root of evil)^2

and so we must conclude that:

women = evil

[Shammu]

hahaha

Thanks guys, especially Trump.

[Bychu Bychu]

hey hunny The cat is fed and watered. Basement door is open for his waste disposal Working longer hours... got Jackass for you... I guess they are going to bed because JohnJohn gets up at 5am and wants to go "bye bye in the auto" LOL He is always so subtle!

[Xplosivo]

a little local culture from omaha......

Omaha stylee did not think there was one
where you know the radios weak and the shows are more fun
but you know we f--- up the dance hall since 1988
many did not think when they hear we come from this state
still we're down like that, still we're down like that
still we're down like that, kickin' the funk that smells of skunk
Omaha stylee did not think there was one
where you know the radios weak and the shows are more fun
but you know we f--- up the dance hall since 1988
many did not think when they hear we come from this state

kinda ghei, but oh well, i was a 311 fan once

[Mourningblade]

> >
> > Redneck Driver's Application
> >
> > Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
> >
> > Last name: ________________
> >
> > First name:
> > [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
> > [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
> > [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
> > [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
> > [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
> > [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
> >
> > Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
> > Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None
> > Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
> > Occupation:
> > [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
> > [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
> > [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician
> >
> > Spouse's Name: __________________________
> > 2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
> > 3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
> > Lover's Name: __________________________
> > 2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
> >
> > Relationship with spouse:
> > [_] Sister [_] Aunt
> > [_] Brother [_] Uncle
> > [_] Mother [_] Son
> > [_] Father [_] Daughter
> > [_] Cousin [_] Pet
> >
> > Number of children living in household: ___
> > Number of children living in shed: ___
> > Number of children that are yours: ___
> >
> > Mother's Name: _______________________
> > Father's Name: _______________________
> >
> > Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
> > If you obtained a higher education what was your
> > major?
> > [_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade
> >
> > Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
> >
> > Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
> > ___ Total number of vehicles you own
> > ___ Number of vehicles that still crank
> > ___ Number of vehicles in front yard
> > ___ Number of vehicles in back yard
> > ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
> >
> > Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
> > still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)
> >
> > Firearms you own and where you keep them:
> > ____ truck ____ kitchen
> > ____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
> > ____ shed ____ pawnshop
> >
> > Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
> >
> > Do you have a gun rack?
> > [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:
> >
> > Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
> > [_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
> > [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
> > [_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters
> >
> > ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
> > ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
> > ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
> >
> > How often do you bathe:
> > [_] Weekly
> > [_] Monthly
> > [_] Not Applicable
> >
> > How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
> > Color of teeth:
> > [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
> > [_] Brown [_] Black
> > [_] N/A
> >
> > Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
> > [_] Red-Man [_] Skoal
> >
> > How far is your home from a paved road?
> > [_] 1 mile
> > [_] 2 miles
> > [_] don't know
> >
> >

[Phineas]

www.somethingawful.com
Best site to keep you busy, and its hilarious.
Join the forums. Those'll keep you busy for days