Any Scientologists?

[Twystyd]

This is brilliant

[Bakerton]

Scientology lololololololololol

[Supreem]

I knew he was real!!! Take that all you naysayers!

[Twystyd]

Oh my God, this shit get's better and better. I would like to thank the course content developers of my psych class to even assign Scientology research. I have stumbled upon far too much humor to even come close to quoting it all. If it makes sense to the one stop shops of common sense Cruise and Travolta then it must be true!

OMG, check out L Ron Hubbards handwriting. I'm writing up my new religion as we speak. There once was a Troll in the realm of Midgard....

http://www.xenu.net/archive/leaflet/xenuleaf.htm

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

Xenu the alien ruler Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called "body thetans". And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these "body thetans" and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.

[Xarkon]

oh something awful what won't you create next

[Augomatic]

As a level 4 scientologist, I can say you guys have no idea what you are talking about. My religion is a religion which promotes peaceful coexistance, with the many lives we have led in the past, and will lead in the future.

You people have NO vision whatsoever. You are busy worrying about the present, and being happy now. I've donated 50% of my salary to ensure that I have a place in future lives which is very happy and contentful. The positive aura generated by my leader's expensive house and fine living is promoting growth for us all, even though the majority of us are just growing in the debt category, its a start.

I can't wait till my next life when I can ask you all who's the dumbass now suckers!

[Twystyd]

Have you not read your Book of Mormon you ignorant chimp? There is no hope but that of the belief in Laban's sword heathen!

Hold up there is a comit over head, let me put on my magic slippers and pass the punch.

[Winke]

hahahahaha

<3 Law

Very amusing

Winke