Christmas Party Memo

[Rhiandra Rangnar]

Subject: Christmas Party memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to
sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of
gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift
should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There
will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm
happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA On! ly"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package
everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will
that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers
to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get
the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with
each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will
have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the
Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no
cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short
people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 05, 2005
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so
you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of
death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking
salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have
feelings, too. They scream wh! en you s lice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!



FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

[The Queen of All Evil]

Very Funny!! Very approperiate for these PC times we live in.

[barbos]

Ramadan started in October this year...